Here we go again. I heard from the agent reviewing my manuscript this morning. He said that he enjoyed it but he needed to pass. He encouraged me to continue querying it. I'm really bummed. There were things that he said he would like to have seen. So now I have to figure out what he means and then learn to do it.

I guess I need to stop writing for now and see if I can learn what it is that I'm not doing. The problem is I'm not sure where to learn it. I found a UCR extension course that I will be signing up for, hopefully I will get some information there.

I'm not ready to give up, but it's really hard to keep going. That's only in this minute. By tomorrow or Sunday I'll be back feeling that the task I have set myself is doable if I am willing to learn and find someone to learn it from. But today I am really bummed.

I guess I have to realize that only through this crazy process of being turned down and then improving my craft will I succeed. But I have to tell you that it is really hard. It is probably the single most difficult thing I have ever done. And I have a doctorate, for crying out loud.

That was much easier compared to this. In pursuit of the advanced degree, there were expectations and guidelines laid out. If you didn't understand what was being asked there was always someone to check with. You could even go the the prof and ask them to elaborate on their requirement. But this writing gig is something else again.

I feel like I'm shooting in the dark all the time. I am told by professionals that I write well, that my work is very readable, exciting, and has great tension. I need to figure out what is wanted in what he is looking for. When I'm not feeling so down, I will email the agent and ask if he wouldn't mind elaborating a little bit on his comments.

Maybe he will tell me and maybe he won't. All I can do is ask and he can't shoot me for that. He's not allowed to shoot me for anything. All he can do is decline to answer and if he does decline I haven't lost anything. So I'll give it a shot.