It's been four days since my last 'no thank you' and I'm still feeling discouraged. I know I have to get back to writing, but it seems too hard. Melodramatically I could say, "What's the point?" And the answer to that is, to keep at it so I will grow as a writer.

I know that's really the point, but sometimes it's hard to remember. Every time I send out another query or someone requests a manuscript, I get my hopes up. I try to keep it all in perspective, but the hopes rise anyway.

It's really good to have hope because that's what keeps me going. But the hope wanes when a decline comes. It causes me to question my abilities.

Having had a big name editor from a large house say that my writing is "very good" helps. But the frustrating thing is that if I write so well why hasn't anyone picked up anything.

I know the answer to that is "it's not what we are looking for right now." And my response is "Can you just hold onto it until later when you are looking for that?"One can hope and dream.

So here is what I think really happens. Each house has a list of what they are looking for and they swap the lists between them. They don't tell you who has what list and they don't tell you when the exchange will happen. And because of this list swapping, your manuscript is always one step behind, chasing the elusive list. With agents it's even harder to catch up because there are more of them.

One day my manuscript will catch up to that list, whether it's with an agent or a publishing house. The odds are in my favor if I keep writing and keep querying.

Now that this is off my chest, I think I feel better, so it's back to writing for me.
J