I've been sitting in front of my computer for at least two hours. I've checked my email twice, checked my facebook page, and even went to jacketflap to see if there was anyone I recognized. All of this in avoidance of writing.
After this weekend it's kind of scary opening the file of the novel I'm working on. I'm warring with huge discouragement and the knowledge that no matter what I write it can always be improved upon.
I finally got myself to open the file and just write two sentences. That was the deal I made with myself. Write two sentences. They didn't have to be perfect. They didn't even have to be good. I only had to write them.
Well, I did it. And not only did I write the two sentences, I wrote whole paragraph before I realized that my confidence was returning and story ideas came flooding into my mind.
It's amazing the amount of power we give to others, people we think we can or should trust with our vulnerability. What a mistake! It isn't that these people are so untrustworthy. It is simply that they are human and suffer the from the same bouts of insecurity as the rest of us. We lay on their shoulders a weight that is too heavy for anyone to carry. We ask them to give us value and worth; something they are struggle with obtaining for themselves.
I am learning so many things along this journey of becoming a professional writer. The most resent lesson is that only God can give me value and worth. These people can only tell me if they like what I wrote, nothing more.