It seems that this writing/publishing process is something that can only be endures. I just received another decline to a query. Well not exactly the query. I sent the query and he requested the manuscript. Then he declined, saying that it wasn't that it wasn't right for his agency.

What does that mean? I did the research and it looked to me that what I sent was within the bounds of what he has represented. So, my question is, what is right for an agency and how do you know? I have come to the conclusion that research isn't necessarily helpful.
Well, not really. It's just that things are so subjective.

So it all boils down to chance. Chance that they will be looking for what they said wanted before. Chance that they will like what you have written. And chance that they believe the project will sell at this time.

Hooly-Looly! That's a lot of 'chance'. This whole process seems to be one big crap shoot. And don't forget the economy. If it hadn't been for the down turn, I really believe I was on my way to a contract. At least that's what I was led to believe. Thank you economics.

Well, it's back to the keyboard for me. Working on a new project that may hit at the elusive 'right time'. The other one, I'll see who to send that to next week.

Happy writing.

I've been sitting in front of my computer for at least two hours. I've checked my email twice, checked my facebook page, and even went to jacketflap to see if there was anyone I recognized. All of this in avoidance of writing.

After this weekend it's kind of scary opening the file of the novel I'm working on. I'm warring with huge discouragement and the knowledge that no matter what I write it can always be improved upon.

I finally got myself to open the file and just write two sentences. That was the deal I made with myself. Write two sentences. They didn't have to be perfect. They didn't even have to be good. I only had to write them.

Well, I did it. And not only did I write the two sentences, I wrote whole paragraph before I realized that my confidence was returning and story ideas came flooding into my mind.

It's amazing the amount of power we give to others, people we think we can or should trust with our vulnerability. What a mistake! It isn't that these people are so untrustworthy. It is simply that they are human and suffer the from the same bouts of insecurity as the rest of us. We lay on their shoulders a weight that is too heavy for anyone to carry. We ask them to give us value and worth; something they are struggle with obtaining for themselves.

I am learning so many things along this journey of becoming a professional writer. The most resent lesson is that only God can give me value and worth. These people can only tell me if they like what I wrote, nothing more.

Wow, it's been over a year since I've written anything. Since then I have been to the mountain top and back down in the valley. I've come so close to getting published and now I'm wondering if it will ever happen.

What I'm struggling with today is whether I can write or not. The truth is I have proof that I can write and that at least one of my stories is very good, per David Gale of Simon & Schuster. Then I attend a workshop and my writing is ripped to shreds, and I must say that those doing the ripping were not very professional in the manner in which they went about it.

So, here I sit today fighting the two-ton weight of discouragement. Will I stop writing? I doubt it. Do I trust what I write? Not so much. What I need is to do is keep at it. I must find that which will keep me motivated and encouraged. This whole journey is killer, but I can't stop now. I'm hooked. I've got this writing Jones bad.

That means I'll just keep doing it until I get where I want to be.

Thanks for listening, I'm starting to feel better. I guess what I needed was to vent.