Man am I feeling discouraged today. I'm starting to wonder if I can do this writing thing. There seems to be so much I have yet to learn and so much I haven't figured out how to do. I can't believe that something that I want so very badly would stump me like this.

I wish there was a way to enter a discussion with someone who could give me real feedback on what I am doing. I belong to two critique groups. It's not that I don't value their feedback, but the majority of the attendees are in the same boat with me.

It would be awesome if I could enter a mentor relationship with a writing professional. Someone who could point out my errors. Not the obvious ones like typos, grammar, telling instead of showing, but the more subtle things like style, presentation, character depth. Or tell me when I'm getting closer.

I received feedback from professionals that say they like my voice, enjoy the story, I write well, but none of it has told me why it wasn't accepted. Then I got someone to tell me more specifically why they were not going to take the ms. That was extremely helpful, but here's the problem. As I make the revisions and corrections how do I know if I'm correcting it or doing more of the same things that hurt my chances? It's not like that person said, "send it back when you've made the corrections."

So I'm doing what I think is right and can only hope that it is. Once I've finished then it's off to the next professional. Who knows what they will think? I can only hope I get it right or they are willing to invest enough time to help me get it there.**GROAN**

My brain is foggy and I'm more than tired, but I just had to write about this. I had sent a manuscript to be reviewed (at the agent's request) by an agent. Needless to say that he didn't take. Otherwise I'd be floating too high to write.

Anyway, it was really worth the frustration and disappointment. He did something that no other professional has ever done. He actually commented on the ms. He started out by telling me what was right about the story. The list was pretty long. He finished by telling me what was wrong with it. Never before have I had such interest in my work that a professional would invest their time and energy to say something helpful. I have a clear idea on what I need to do to fix it.

Following this comment I enrolled in a extension course on fiction writing at the local university to make sure what I thought I had learned was really the 'stuff.' I was approaching the class with excitement and trepidation, but I knew that it would be helpful no matter what was taught.

Wouldn't you know it, the class was cancelled the night before it was to begin. Now I' really bummed. Oh well, I'll keep an eye out for another class like this and see what comes of it. But for now, I'll keep working on the manuscript with what I think is needed.

Here we go again. I heard from the agent reviewing my manuscript this morning. He said that he enjoyed it but he needed to pass. He encouraged me to continue querying it. I'm really bummed. There were things that he said he would like to have seen. So now I have to figure out what he means and then learn to do it.

I guess I need to stop writing for now and see if I can learn what it is that I'm not doing. The problem is I'm not sure where to learn it. I found a UCR extension course that I will be signing up for, hopefully I will get some information there.

I'm not ready to give up, but it's really hard to keep going. That's only in this minute. By tomorrow or Sunday I'll be back feeling that the task I have set myself is doable if I am willing to learn and find someone to learn it from. But today I am really bummed.

I guess I have to realize that only through this crazy process of being turned down and then improving my craft will I succeed. But I have to tell you that it is really hard. It is probably the single most difficult thing I have ever done. And I have a doctorate, for crying out loud.

That was much easier compared to this. In pursuit of the advanced degree, there were expectations and guidelines laid out. If you didn't understand what was being asked there was always someone to check with. You could even go the the prof and ask them to elaborate on their requirement. But this writing gig is something else again.

I feel like I'm shooting in the dark all the time. I am told by professionals that I write well, that my work is very readable, exciting, and has great tension. I need to figure out what is wanted in what he is looking for. When I'm not feeling so down, I will email the agent and ask if he wouldn't mind elaborating a little bit on his comments.

Maybe he will tell me and maybe he won't. All I can do is ask and he can't shoot me for that. He's not allowed to shoot me for anything. All he can do is decline to answer and if he does decline I haven't lost anything. So I'll give it a shot.

Okay, I'm back in the saddle again. I just dropped my manuscript in the mail to an interested agent. So now I wait with fingers, eyes, and toes crossed. I haven't been idle since my last post. I've been writing and making changes to the layout of this page.

In going through the manuscript again to make sure everything was as right as I can make it, I noticed that I had dialogue tags that really don't work. Instead of 'she said', I had things like 'she chided' or 'she answered'. I finally figured out what all of the books on writing mean. By adding these unnecessary tags, I am treating the reader with disrespect. If the statement preceding the tag is well written, then the reader will understand my intent which makes these type of tags not only redundant, but insulting.

The other thing I picked up while walking through the story is that sometimes what seems understandable and complete in my mind, may not be so in the written form.

Going over everything again before mailing gave me an opportunity to not only change these things, but is was also an opportunity to learn, concretize what I had read about writing. If you haven't picked up The First Five Pages by Noah Lukeman and Story by Robert Mckee, run out and do so immediately. These two texts are the clearest I have ever read on writing. Lukeman's book is elegant in its simplicity and McKee's is complete in its explanation and depiction of story. Both are must haves for the writer's library.

It's time for me to get back to writing. I'll be talking to you again soon.

J

It's been four days since my last 'no thank you' and I'm still feeling discouraged. I know I have to get back to writing, but it seems too hard. Melodramatically I could say, "What's the point?" And the answer to that is, to keep at it so I will grow as a writer.

I know that's really the point, but sometimes it's hard to remember. Every time I send out another query or someone requests a manuscript, I get my hopes up. I try to keep it all in perspective, but the hopes rise anyway.

It's really good to have hope because that's what keeps me going. But the hope wanes when a decline comes. It causes me to question my abilities.

Having had a big name editor from a large house say that my writing is "very good" helps. But the frustrating thing is that if I write so well why hasn't anyone picked up anything.

I know the answer to that is "it's not what we are looking for right now." And my response is "Can you just hold onto it until later when you are looking for that?"One can hope and dream.

So here is what I think really happens. Each house has a list of what they are looking for and they swap the lists between them. They don't tell you who has what list and they don't tell you when the exchange will happen. And because of this list swapping, your manuscript is always one step behind, chasing the elusive list. With agents it's even harder to catch up because there are more of them.

One day my manuscript will catch up to that list, whether it's with an agent or a publishing house. The odds are in my favor if I keep writing and keep querying.

Now that this is off my chest, I think I feel better, so it's back to writing for me.
J

It seems that this writing/publishing process is something that can only be endures. I just received another decline to a query. Well not exactly the query. I sent the query and he requested the manuscript. Then he declined, saying that it wasn't that it wasn't right for his agency.

What does that mean? I did the research and it looked to me that what I sent was within the bounds of what he has represented. So, my question is, what is right for an agency and how do you know? I have come to the conclusion that research isn't necessarily helpful.
Well, not really. It's just that things are so subjective.

So it all boils down to chance. Chance that they will be looking for what they said wanted before. Chance that they will like what you have written. And chance that they believe the project will sell at this time.

Hooly-Looly! That's a lot of 'chance'. This whole process seems to be one big crap shoot. And don't forget the economy. If it hadn't been for the down turn, I really believe I was on my way to a contract. At least that's what I was led to believe. Thank you economics.

Well, it's back to the keyboard for me. Working on a new project that may hit at the elusive 'right time'. The other one, I'll see who to send that to next week.

Happy writing.

I've been sitting in front of my computer for at least two hours. I've checked my email twice, checked my facebook page, and even went to jacketflap to see if there was anyone I recognized. All of this in avoidance of writing.

After this weekend it's kind of scary opening the file of the novel I'm working on. I'm warring with huge discouragement and the knowledge that no matter what I write it can always be improved upon.

I finally got myself to open the file and just write two sentences. That was the deal I made with myself. Write two sentences. They didn't have to be perfect. They didn't even have to be good. I only had to write them.

Well, I did it. And not only did I write the two sentences, I wrote whole paragraph before I realized that my confidence was returning and story ideas came flooding into my mind.

It's amazing the amount of power we give to others, people we think we can or should trust with our vulnerability. What a mistake! It isn't that these people are so untrustworthy. It is simply that they are human and suffer the from the same bouts of insecurity as the rest of us. We lay on their shoulders a weight that is too heavy for anyone to carry. We ask them to give us value and worth; something they are struggle with obtaining for themselves.

I am learning so many things along this journey of becoming a professional writer. The most resent lesson is that only God can give me value and worth. These people can only tell me if they like what I wrote, nothing more.

Wow, it's been over a year since I've written anything. Since then I have been to the mountain top and back down in the valley. I've come so close to getting published and now I'm wondering if it will ever happen.

What I'm struggling with today is whether I can write or not. The truth is I have proof that I can write and that at least one of my stories is very good, per David Gale of Simon & Schuster. Then I attend a workshop and my writing is ripped to shreds, and I must say that those doing the ripping were not very professional in the manner in which they went about it.

So, here I sit today fighting the two-ton weight of discouragement. Will I stop writing? I doubt it. Do I trust what I write? Not so much. What I need is to do is keep at it. I must find that which will keep me motivated and encouraged. This whole journey is killer, but I can't stop now. I'm hooked. I've got this writing Jones bad.

That means I'll just keep doing it until I get where I want to be.

Thanks for listening, I'm starting to feel better. I guess what I needed was to vent.

Distractions abound! Everywhere I look they are there. Even if I keep my eyes closed, they are there. Whether it's going to work or being invited to lunch by grandchildren, sticking to my schedule is really tough.

Writing requires blocks of time to sit down and get it done. These are difficult for me to find. There always seems to be something that 'needs' to intrude. Trying to prioritise what's important and what can wait is not the easiest task in the world.

I always want work to wait, but because I enjoy eating and sleeping indoors on a regular basis, it cannot. I never want my grandchildren to wait, but I know that delayed gratification is an important character building exercise they must learn to tolerate, and they must wait.

Living as a disciplined person, writer, or whatever, is too hard. It makes me want to whine. Even though whining can be gratifying, it is never productive. It boils down to making the right choice. Doing the hard thing. Placing my bottom in the chair and getting the writing done.

Now that I've said that, I must act accordingly, say goodbye and get back to work. See ya.

J

Well, I guess the holidays are officially over. Bah! Humbug! Time to pull down all of those decorations, put away the Christmas cards, stop eating things I shouldn't, and get back to work.

I've been trying to catch up on my revised chapters at the same time I write new ones. There's something about working from both ends of a novel that is really helpful. I can point the reader toward the end much more efficiently. And, it's easy to see if there are any inconsistencies in the characters.

Even though this is a helpful process, there is still a part of me that rails against it. I somehow think I should be able to write the perfect chapter the first time. I can't tell if that's arrogance or laziness. Maybe it's a little bit of both. I have been really working on my attitude. I hope I'm making progress. Who knows...

Discipline is the watchword for the year. Discipline to keep myself in the chair writing. Discipline to re-write until it's the best I can get it. Discipline to listen to the words of wisdom offered in critique. These are the hardest parts of writing for me. Lord, help me.
J

Well, it's in the mail. I returned the revised chapters the editor asked for along with the plot outline. And wouldn't you know it, after I dropped it in the mail, a writer friend found typos in it! $^&%& and triple $^&%& I went over that thing and over that thing.

Here's hoping the editors are a little more human than we all fear they may not be. I guess this is a real lesson in humility. No matter how I want and try to be perfect, I'm stuck with just plain old me. But not to worry. I kinda like me real good, as my granddaughter would say.

Now the task is to finish the manuscript and make each word count. I wish I could not go to work and sit and type all day and all night. Reality says that there are some important things that I would need to attend to even if I didn't have to work, like the relationships in my life.

It's those relationships that help me flesh out my characters. Because I know how it feels to be with others and experience others being with me, the desires, fears and losses of my characters have greater depth.

When was the last time one of your characters did more than the obvious? What makes a story work are the subtleties and layers of everything within your writing. If all you have to say are the obvious things then settle for another "Dick and Jane" book. But if what you're after is a novel that hooks the reader, then invest in folds, seams, and tiers. Leave the obvious for those who can do no better. Keep at it. You'll get there.
J

Another week has rolled around and I'm still writing. The challenge for the day is to tweak my synopsis to perfection. But is there such a thing. I wonder.

When I'm writing I'm constantly looking for a better word, a better way to say it. I can't tell you how I struggle with finding the 'right active voice' for a phrase. It is the bane of the writer's existence.

Every word has to be important, or don't put it in. Every line must move you to the next. The first line's job is to drag you in. Whether it's the first line of the chapter, page, or book it doesn't matter. It must trap you.

And the last line is equally important. Sometimes, it's more important that the first line. It's job is to hook you, be it the last line of the page, chapter. or the book.

I believe that last line of the book is the most important line you'll right. It ties everything together. It satisfies the reader on one hand, but leaves them hungering for more, on the other. The last line must demand of the reader that they seize your next book, and your next.

The perfect first line and the perfect last line are what keep people reading. A solid active story between those lines satisfies.

So I'm off to polish and shine up my work. I've got to get it just right. See ya.

J

So sorry to be so late in posting, but I have a really good reason. Two days before Thanksgiving Day I received a chapter that had been kept by an editor at a recent critique. I had been looking forward to getting it back. I wanted to see what corrections she would make so that I could revise the chapter and use her input to improve my writing.

So I got the chapter back, but with it came an invitation to submit!!! Oh my gosh!! I couldn't believe it. I was immediately slammed by overwhelming emotion. The first emotion was this is so great. I finally get a real chance. No slush pile. My work will get read by an EDITOR. Wahoo!! The second feeling was oh great. It's going to be read by an EDITOR. Oh no.

Both emotions were switching back and forth at such rapid pace that there was no space for celebration. It took me several days to finally settle enough to work on the piece with confidence. I had been frozen in the terrorizing belief that if I didn't get this right I would never have such an opportunity again.

That is so not the truth! Here is what is real. If I do my best and it doesn't make it with this house, then I will look at the work again, make necessary changes, and try it somewhere else.

If my writing is good enough to get me this far, then it is good enough to get me another chance. I can't believe the crazy things that fly through my head.

I am finally back in my own skin and back to writing. So I'm off to put on paper what is moving through my mind.

J

It seems that this journey is full of tweaks and fixes. In the recent past I finally got that a story has multiple layers. Every scene needs to be filled with description for grounding the reader, emotion to pull the reader in, and the character's process to give the reader something to connect with. In my writing I had neglected one of these consistently.

I've got the hang of it and am including all of the above in each scene. But wouldn't you know it, now I'm overdoing it. A little too much description and you lose the flow of the story. Too much emotion and your characters become unbelievable. And who cares about every little thought that passes through the character's head.

It's easier for me to think of it as good cooking. When preparing any dish, you need to add the right seasonings and never too much. A pinch of this and you're doing fine, but add a handful, it's not edible.

Gauging just the right amount of description is usually best judged by someone else. Too often your story is so ingrained in your mind that it's difficult for you as the writer to see if you've strayed from its path.

It is so easy to fall in love with the layout of a scene. You think you're painting this beautiful picture, but if overdone the story becomes about the picture and not your character's behavior or adventure.

So I'm off to tweak a bit of description and get my story back on the right road. Next time I'll pay better attention to the trail of breadcrumbs I laid.
J

Okay, I admit I've been a little distracted, but I'm back. I have to tell you it was a good distraction, though. I've been writing.

I was typing away, working on my latest project and I ran into a problem that I couldn't solve. Because of it I was stalled, right in the middle of a chapter. I couldn't get the work to move forward no matter how hard I tried.

Finally, I asked my husband to give me a hand (really, his ears). I explained where I was in the story and where I needed to go. Then I told him what was in my way.

What a guy! First, he listened. Then he asked a few questions. Then he made a few suggestions. And presto-chango, alacazam! The block dissolved right in front of my eyes.

Not only was I able to solve the problem, but his suggested solution took me three chapters beyond. I can't tell you what a help a fresh outlook was. Now I am able to write a path straight through to the main thread that will take me to the climax of the story. Wahoo!

Sometimes I forget to ask for help. I think I mistakenly believe that I have to do things by myself. Boy, what a mistake. The lesson for the week. Never be afraid, or too stubborn to ask for help. If you ask, you might actually get something accomplished.

Keep writing.
J

Wow, I just left the regular meeting of my critique group. Every time I leave, I come away inspired.

Today I heard stories that entertained and impressed me. Stories that were fantastic and stories that were real. Stories that clearly belonged to the writer. Every time I attend I come away thinking, How did they come up with that idea?

It amazes me. It has been said that there are only a few story-lines. If this is the case, then the variety of their presentation is uncountable. How do we (writers) keep coming up with new ideas? Each one more fabulous than the last.

In this group, each of us writes for children, but not the same age group. One of the members of the group has such fresh ideas that his stories are unparalleled. Fresh, vibrant and full of light. When he reads them I feel young and wide-eyed waiting for life to open before me.

Then there are the stories for middle grade. Full of excitement and mystery. This one has a way of drawing you in, waiting for the other shoe to drop. And no matter how you guess, you never work out her endings.

Oh, and the YA authors, their stories have me remembering things from that time that are better left back there. The emotions of insecurity, lack of confidence, the need to be accepted, and the discovery of my own strength.

What a time! Riding the imaginations of others. There's nothing like it and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

J

Good morning. I'm sitting and waiting for my granddaughter to arrive. Playing with her is one of my favorite things to do. She is also a great help in fleshing out my characters and keeping them childlike. She says things in a way that would never occur to me. It helps me with authenticity.

Since my own childhood is quite a bit in the past, writing for children can be a challenge. Childlike language and thought process can be a struggle if I don't make a point of visiting children regularly. My favorite place for research is either a McDonald's Playplace or any popular mall. It depends on the age group I'm aiming for.

What is amusing for me is the way language changes, but stays the same. When I was a teen, back in the dark ages. We said that something good was cool, bad, or tough. What I hear is that good things are chill, wicked, or sick. Still so very close to what I know that I can understand.

But don't ask me to read or understand a text message. That's a completely different dimension. I'm so far behind in that area that only yesterday I discovered how to sent a message from my computer to friend's phone. I could use regular language so it wasn't that much of a leap for me.

Maybe soon I'll be able to successfully tackle text messaging. I know a few people in my generation that text on a daily basis. So I guess that means that it is a possibility for me. If I'm going to do this I guess I'd better dig out my decoder ring.

J

Well it's another week and here I am again. Fortunately the nerve in my back seems to have calmed down so that I can resume my writing schedule. Yeah, like I really stick to that.

Last week while I was waiting for the pain to stop I realized how much I rely on writing and reading for respite from life in general. Not being able to do either was really tough. I was able to return to my nightly ritual of reading in bed for the first time in almost a week.

Now it's time to get back to writing. The characters' voices have returned. It's funny how I've missed their company. Soon they will be telling me what comes next in the story and arguing with me about what they would and wouldn't say.

I used to think it strange hearing them and worry that some weird psychotic process was happening within my mind. Now I just accept their presence and go on about my life.

I'm wise enough to only speak about these voices with other writers. As a psychologist I know how the mention of 'voices' can be interpreted. So the knowledge of their presence is for writers only, people who understand.

It's just good to be back. Great to be typing without pain. There's still a dull ache, but I can easily ignore that. And now it's time to get back to the story. I'll keep you posted on how it all turns out.
J

Hi All. I'm definitely back from the writer's retreat, but because I inflamed a nerve in my back I haven't been able to use the computer. I'm really not supposed to be doing it now, but I can no longer resist the need to write.

The retreat was awesome. For once I was able to put the anxiety away and be myself. It was so much more enjoyable that way. I met some great writers. Every one of them was helpful and willing to share tips, advice, and encouragement.

The special treat was that of being able to reading my work in front of an editor and an agent. And here's the coolest part...they liked my work!!! Both said that my current project has a strong protagonist and that the writing is "rich". They found the story intriguing and wanted to hear more. What an ENCOURAGEMENT. Wahoo!

I can't wait to have this nerve thing heal so that I can really put in some writing time.

What I learned is that I am a good writer and getting better all the time. That is really important to me. Being published is something that I really want, but more than that, I want those who read my books to really enjoy them. What would be the point of being published and having your writing have no impact on the world.

I write for children because I really believe in them. I know that it is cliche to say that they are our future, but they really are. Watching them learn and grow in the world around them, taking everything in is a privilege I do not take lightly. So my work has to have a positive effect. Something that enriches their day. A new fact or a new way to view things, something that is more than helpful, something that is enlightening.

I don't want my writing to simply be entertaining. There's nothing wrong with entertainment, it's just that it doesn't last. You read a good book that is solely entertaining and after a while it fades. But if you read a book that is entertaining, but gives you something to think about, too, that book stays with you forever.

That's what I want to do. I've read both of these types of books and enjoyed them. But the ones that gave me that something extra are still in my head.

The annoying ache in my shoulder is becoming a dull roar, so I had better stop for now. Thanks for waiting for me. I'll write again soon.
J

Okay, here's my newest problem. Maybe not new, but certainly ongoing. This weekend I'm attending a writer's retreat. We will be breaking into groups for critique with the opportunity to read before editors and agents. I have my manuscript ready and am talking to myself about confidence and openness. This I can do.

The problem is the pitch. They expect us to present a pitch of our work. I'm ready to scream. I don't know how to do this. I've been working on it and everything I come up with doesn't sound like the piece I'm writing.

How on earth do you boil everything down to two to three lines and fill them with the strength and excitement of the piece? Ugh! I'm pulling my hair out. I'm sure it can be done. People do it all the time. I just don't know how to do it.

This whole process is unbelievable. Every time I conquer one thing there lies another just waiting to conquer me. Sometimes I wish I were a quitter so that I could just walk away, but I'm not. So I'm stuck.

So here I sit writing these few lines over and over. Trying to tweak them into the boldness and strength of my main character. I know that if I keep at it I'll get it, but this is HARD.

I used to say that I love a challenge because it helps me grow. Now I'm starting to regret those words. There can be too much of a good thing. I envision that when I'm much older and much grayer I will have conquered this whole writing process. But I'm sure that's only wishful thinking. In the end there will always be one more thing to master.

J